Monthly Archives: December 2012

Half frozen

It’s sleeting now. There’s a layer of snow down, so standing on snow that’s been partially melted by freezing rain, and being sleeted on is an exciting proposition, even in the best conditions (that is-my own backyard on a very flat surface.)

When I got back inside from my pell work, I went to take a shower and get out of my wet sweatshirt, and realized I’d better shovel the walk first before I get all clean and dry and wrapped up in fuzzy pyjamas So I went out with the little shovel (it’s a little walk) and after I’d finished scraping the frozen sludge off, I realized I am in possession of Dee’s car today, and have to return it tomorrow. If I leave 3-6 inches of snow all over it’s surface, and the sky adds a layer of ice, I’m not going to be happy when I try to get in the car tomorrow.

So I go back in the house, get the keys, and the plan is to walk out to the street where the car is parked, shovel the snow off the surface, put the wipers up, and walk back. Simple.

First, it turns out the drains in the parking lot have clogged with snow and slush and ice. The half of the lot closest to my house is ankle deep black water, covered with snow in some places, ice slush in others. I can’t see it, so I step off the curb in my running shoes. My feet go numb instantly. A smart person would’ve turned their ass around and marched back inside. But at this point, I’m thinking “C’mon, It’s just to the street. I can practically See the car from here.” so I break into a jog, to try to get my feet out of the freezing water quicker. I get to the far side of the lot, where the water is only an inch or two deep. I get to choose whether to run on the impacted snow/slush, or in the black tire tracks filled with water. I pick the tracks. At least I won’t turn an ankle, right?

So I get to the car, crossing a virgin white untouched patch of snow-covered grass, which unfortunately, hides a ditch with running black water in it. My feet are already numb. What do I care. So I start scraping the snow off the car in big plastic shovels-full. Working as quick as I can, my hands are still burning with the cold by the time I’m finished, and starting to go numb and stiff. I have to put the keys in my pocket on the jog back, because I’m afraid I’ll drop them in the water, because I can’t feel them anymore.

I can’t really “jog” back, it’s more sort of stumping, because my feet are stiff now, and I have to put them down by sight. Evidently they weren’t Totally numb, either, because being fully submerged again on the way back burned like fire.

Not being a Complete lame-brain, I leave my sodden shoes at the door, and quickly strip out of my cold wet clothes and step into a lukewarm shower. The shower was kind of interesting. My extremities registered the water as burning hot. My core registered the water at a more reasonable temperature, and although my hands felt the water as hot, when they touched my skin, they felt freezing cold. I stayed in the lukewarm shower until my hands and feet felt the water like every other bit of me, and I started to feel cold, standing in lukewarm water. Then I turned the water to hot and stood there a bit longer.

I am Very clean.

Also, my pell work is done, my walk is shoveled, and Dee’s car won’t be covered with a snow/ice sandwich in the morning. It is now time for red wine, PJ’s, Netflix, my laptop, and a warm fuzzy blanket.


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My belly is so full of pizza, I look like I have a food baby! : )

I’ve been watching Heroes. I think I’ll watch it straight through, this week. 

I slept hard last night, but I woke up with pain in my mouth- a cold sore the size of Nevada in the spot where I bit the shit out of my cheek at wings night.

Wings night has been much more fun since I started playing with the digital jukebox. Whoever figured out that jukeboxes should just accept credit cards, and digitally send the $ to the owner so they never have to empty out quarters was a bright spark, and I approve. 

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Crappy day, but it got better


I was having a really hard morning- depressed, feeling kind of hopeless. You know those days. I did everything I could think of to make myself feel better, ate every comfort food, chocolate, happy movie on TV, cuddled in a soft blanket… the wind blowing so hard outside that parked cars were rocking. 

It was 2:00, and as warm as it was going to get, so I made myself get up, and then it was “Get out of your PJ’s, get a shower and put on your running shoes.” I can’t be too hard on myself when I’m depressed, I could make it a lot worse. But I’ve got to force myself to get off my ass, get a win, succeed at just one thing. It really helps. So I ran.

I walked too. And stopped to do sit ups at the decline bench. But when I got back, I felt better. Not, you know, a lot, but it was enough. I made myself soup for lunch (had soup for breakfast too. It was a soup kind of day.) and puttered around online, looking at recipes, Facebook, webcomics- watching “Heroes” on Netflix. I don’t feel like painting the house or moving mountains, but I can at least feed myself now. And I’m wearing clean clothes, and I worked out today. I feel less like a waste of space and more like myself. 

I’m so thankful for running. 


Yesterday was interesting. My neck muscles hurt reasonably yukkily any time I made them work, so I left the helmet at home, and just brought my sword and shield to practice. Had to return Dee’s car after second shift, so I got to Haven (after a quick stop at the grocery store for dinner- salad with blue cheese crumbles and cold chicken) at perhaps 4:19. Parked Dee’s car and started unloading groceries, fighter stuff, hats, mittens, scarves… it was supposed to be damn cold, and maybe even snow- I was ready for sledding, just in case.

Practice wasn’t starting for hours, so I spent the time arguing with my husband, and watching Alias on netflix.

When six came, Sir Tash arrived, and I asked him for some advice, and he told me about how getting faster is about eliminating tells, and then learning how to use false tells. We talked about “Kingdom of Heaven” and his own least favorite movie- the name of which escapes me now. He wanted to know how Syr Justus was doing after the accident too. Was surprised that he likes Starbucks coffee- thought he only liked cold-brewed. (Can’t believe everything you read on Facebook ; )

I came out in the cold with my santa hat and sword, and worked on the pell for a while, while the one or two folk who were fighting armored up. Then I got to work with Steve and Gene a bit, who were taking a second class from Sir Tash on round shield. Very fun to play the bad guy, trying to get around their new techniques, handle having a shield shoved in my sword armpit. 

Afterward, Sir Tash had to jet, and it was time for Christmas-carol bardic. Fun to sing Christmas carols at this time of year, although somewhat painful from time to time. Not every Havenite can sing in tune : )

We ate sweets, and veggies and dip (thank you, grocery store), and Gene made claudell, which is like whipped egg wine foam. Tasty and fun to “drink”.

White wine put me to sleep on the couch, and a housemate drove us home. I got home and passed right out again. Cold, blustery night. Too bad I missed it. I love those. Something about the power of nature makes me feel so safe. 



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Elven Lembas Bread (If you make this, you Will say you got the recipe from me. Them’s the rules.)

¼ cup sour cream
¼ cup fresh lemon juice
½ cup honey (mallorn tree preferably)
2 cups flour (i used whole wheat for healthier version)
zest of 2 lemons
1 tsp baking powder
110 g cold butter
Whisk flour, zest and baking powder.
Add diced butter and mix quickly until it becomes crumbly.
Mix cream, juice and honey (it doesn’t have to be runny).
Add wet ingredients and mix with hand until it forms a ball – do not overwork (use more flour if needed, it should feel a bit less thick than shortbread).
Refrigerate for at least an hour.
Roll out 1 cm thick and cut square pieces – i made 12 7×7 cm cookies.
Bake 15-17 min in 200C until edges are golden brown.
Wrap with mallorn leaves and save for your travel.

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Drinking Alone

A glass of egg nog touched with Southern Comfort, and I’m thinking of other things. Sitting in front of a flickering monitor, not knowing what to say, feet tucked behind the legs of my chair, jeans. Wishing I could make you smile.

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Good morning!

My favorite greeting is good morning. It’s cheery, pleasant, wishes the listener well, and sounds at the same time classical and down to earth. Everyone wants to have a good morning, and wishing that someone will is only taken amiss by misanthropes and people who REALLY hate mornings (which is the same thing 😉

I wish I could use it all day!

But of course, “good afternoon” sounds stilted, and “good evening” makes me sound like Lurch from The Adams Family. So “good morning” it will have to be for you, too bad.

I like to be up before anybody else in the morning. My mother was always the first one up in the house, and waking up to her clattering pots in the kitchen, making breakfast, was always so pleasant. I can see why she liked being the first one up. It’s so still in the mornings. Just me and the trees awake at that hour. I can make my coffee, or my tea, or whatever I please, and bask in the quiet.

There’s only one problem with being an early riser, and it’s in my head. I’ve been an early riser since I was BORN. And as soon as I was old enough to understand, my mother started teaching me (with prejudice) that it was NOT ok to wake up early and make noise, waking the other members of the household.
So I have a pathological need to creep about like a mouse in the morning- no clattering pots and dishes making breakfast, no microwave beeping, for heaven’s SAKE don’t turn on the coffee-maker-of-death with it’s ear splitting beeping when it’s finished making coffee.

So it’s a problem. How can I make someone breakfast in bed, for instance, when I don’t feel comfortable getting a pan out of the cabinet, because it clanks? How do I serve it to them in any case, without waking them up? Psychic breakfast notifications??

So I’ve taken to reading and writing in the morning, and making tea with a whistling tea pot with the whistle taken off. Water doesn’t boil that loud. Books are quiet. Especially when you close the bedroom door and creep about in your stocking feet like I do. Breakfast is tough, but yogurt doesn’t require cooking. So that’s what I do. Get up early, eat yogurt, maybe make tea, and read a book, or write in my journal. Sometimes if I feel spunky I take my laptop upstairs and read my web-comics, check my email. (I rarely want to check my email in my relaxing time these days. Work has been too crazy, and I don’t want to know what’s exploded during the night, at least until I’ve had my coffee.)

Getting dressed is a problem. I generally creep into the bedroom and fish about in the dark for my clothes, then take them out into the next room to see what I’ve put my hands on. Usually it matches. Sometimes I’m REALLY glad I didn’t dress in the dark : )

Someday, perhaps, I’ll get over this, and start making hot breakfast, clattering pots and pans and creating delicious smells in the kitchen in the morning, just like my mother did.
But until then. Yay, yogurt!


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Monday, December 17

Hard day today, I did my best to set it up to be relaxing and fun- bought snacks and drinks at the grocery store, went for a walk with my hubby to fetch SoCo to mix in with the eggnog. Christmas decorations, candles, egg nog, shrimp cocktail, chips and dip, candy and cookies…  But my sweetheart still has trust issues, my fault, and totally understandable. So he has been stressed on and off lately, which makes me feel stressed too. We did our best to relax today, but it was hard.

I read an amazing article someone posted on Facebook:

I thought it was going to be depressing or disturbing, but I actually found it to be inspiring. Which was great.

When I left for my second shift today, I was depressed and tired. A rainstorm was coming in, and it was pushing me to fall asleep. Standing in the cool grey fog in my bright yellow rain slicker did nothing to wake me up. I fell asleep on the drive home, and when I came home, laid down on the couch and curled up with a blanket. After I read that article, around seven o’clock perhaps, I felt new life flow into me. After the show ended that my hubby and I were watching, I put on my running clothes and a warm sweatshirt, grabbed my tactical flashlight and ran out into the dark and the fog. A light mist was coming down, and my new shoes made my steps surer, even in the dark and the wet I didn’t turn an ankle. I realized as I was halfway around the track that I hadn’t had to stop running and walk to catch my breath. I was doing it! I was getting better! A smile as big as I’ve ever had split my face as I ran in fog and mist so thick I could barely see the grass on the edge of the path. I slowed down in places, but didn’t stop to walk once. I ran and ran until I got home, and started walking laps in my parking lot to cool off. I’ve never done that before! It felt so good!

When I got home, I was in a Much better mood, as I always am after I run. Cheeks pink from the cold I went downstairs, put up my bar and did my pull-ups, then took a shower to rinse the sweat off. The rest of the night has been much nicer. I feel so relaxed, and good about myself… Much better.

There’s a reason my knight told me to run.  

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