I was having a really hard morning- depressed, feeling kind of hopeless. You know those days. I did everything I could think of to make myself feel better, ate every comfort food, chocolate, happy movie on TV, cuddled in a soft blanket… the wind blowing so hard outside that parked cars were rocking.
It was 2:00, and as warm as it was going to get, so I made myself get up, and then it was “Get out of your PJ’s, get a shower and put on your running shoes.” I can’t be too hard on myself when I’m depressed, I could make it a lot worse. But I’ve got to force myself to get off my ass, get a win, succeed at just one thing. It really helps. So I ran.
I walked too. And stopped to do sit ups at the decline bench. But when I got back, I felt better. Not, you know, a lot, but it was enough. I made myself soup for lunch (had soup for breakfast too. It was a soup kind of day.) and puttered around online, looking at recipes, Facebook, webcomics- watching “Heroes” on Netflix. I don’t feel like painting the house or moving mountains, but I can at least feed myself now. And I’m wearing clean clothes, and I worked out today. I feel less like a waste of space and more like myself.
I’m so thankful for running.
Yesterday was interesting. My neck muscles hurt reasonably yukkily any time I made them work, so I left the helmet at home, and just brought my sword and shield to practice. Had to return Dee’s car after second shift, so I got to Haven (after a quick stop at the grocery store for dinner- salad with blue cheese crumbles and cold chicken) at perhaps 4:19. Parked Dee’s car and started unloading groceries, fighter stuff, hats, mittens, scarves… it was supposed to be damn cold, and maybe even snow- I was ready for sledding, just in case.
Practice wasn’t starting for hours, so I spent the time arguing with my husband, and watching Alias on netflix.
When six came, Sir Tash arrived, and I asked him for some advice, and he told me about how getting faster is about eliminating tells, and then learning how to use false tells. We talked about “Kingdom of Heaven” and his own least favorite movie- the name of which escapes me now. He wanted to know how Syr Justus was doing after the accident too. Was surprised that he likes Starbucks coffee- thought he only liked cold-brewed. (Can’t believe everything you read on Facebook ; )
I came out in the cold with my santa hat and sword, and worked on the pell for a while, while the one or two folk who were fighting armored up. Then I got to work with Steve and Gene a bit, who were taking a second class from Sir Tash on round shield. Very fun to play the bad guy, trying to get around their new techniques, handle having a shield shoved in my sword armpit.
Afterward, Sir Tash had to jet, and it was time for Christmas-carol bardic. Fun to sing Christmas carols at this time of year, although somewhat painful from time to time. Not every Havenite can sing in tune : )
We ate sweets, and veggies and dip (thank you, grocery store), and Gene made claudell, which is like whipped egg wine foam. Tasty and fun to “drink”.
White wine put me to sleep on the couch, and a housemate drove us home. I got home and passed right out again. Cold, blustery night. Too bad I missed it. I love those. Something about the power of nature makes me feel so safe.