When it’s cold, or when I get stressed out, or anytime anything makes me tense the muscles in my arm, I get pain. First, just below my elbow, a cold high-pitched whine, a tiny sharp explosion like a bee sting. Sharp and immediate. It’s a tendon, where it was torn, and it causes a cold fear. The wondering if I’ll ever be ok again. If my arm is going to be delicate as glass for the rest of my life. The pain isn’t bad, I wouldn’t care if I had just pain for the rest of forever, but what it signifies gives me a cold chill every time. Which adds to whatever stress I was feeling that tensed the muscles that pulled on the ligaments in the first place. Will I ever fight again? Do pull ups again? Be strong enough to use the rope? To help carry boxes in a friend’s move? Or will I always be just on the verge of a horrible year-long injury?
The shoulder starts hurting if the tenseness doesn’t go away. A bigger, warmer pain. An ache, spread over a bigger area. Not a cold pinpoint like the elbow. The shoulder is less scary. I understand it better. It feels more like muscle pain, which I’m used to.
I just don’t like my arm hurting. The injury took too long to heal, and I don’t know how to safely fix it. I wish I was a physical therapist, some days.